The fact that COVID-19 has disrupted so many lives is widely known, but what about the dead that it has disrupted?
Most of us go through our daily routines without giving a second thought to the spirits around us, but luckily for us, Matthew Montague is not like most. Matthew lives out of an RV most of the year, traveling from town to town helping those being “spiritually assaulted” as he puts it. He says that he doesn't want to help the people as much as the spirits because they are the ones who don't have anyone to fight for them.
“Most of the time, all the spirits want is be left alone, however, in order for them to cross over they have a certain 'quota' of haunts they have to hit each year. As long as they hit that quota before their first one thousand years, they get to cross over.” Matthew explained to us. He went on to say “unfortunately the quota is broken down by how much time the spirit is around a certain person or family. So, with the lock-down in effect, the spirits had to work overtime just to meet their end of the month numbers.”
This was something we had to dig a little deeper on, so Matthew agreed to take us with him on his next encounter — what we learned was both shocking and upsetting.
We pulled up in front of an old brick home we were told was built in the late 1800’s. The fog was rolling in thicker than any of us could imagine and before we made it to the front door, two members of our crew were already missing.
In true haunted house fashion, we ignored this serious situation and went inside to let the story unfold.
The front room of the house was like any other — broken mirrors hung on every wall to reflect the broken family that once lived in this house. Matthew encouraged us all to sit down kindergarten style on the old wooden floor and prepare ourselves for the ghostly interview.
He began his pleading...
“Oh spirits of this disheveled and dilapidated home, hear our cries and hear our pleas as we ask you to show yourselves.”
A hush fell over the entire crew as we patiently waited for a reply. Suddenly a gust of wind blew through the house and a chill settled on each one of us. I began to see my breath as if it was mid-December in Michigan.
In the middle of the circle, a blue flame began to flicker, and the spirit of what seemed to be a man who died in his mid to late 30’s began to show himself. The spirit was uneasy and thrashing his body back and forth foaming at the mouth, his eyes glowed red and his scream sent shivers down my spine. He screamed “Who has been bold enough to command me into the light?! Speak your name so that I may tell Satan who I am sending him!” I could hardly breathe as I looked over at Matthew and heard his reply “I am Matthew Montague, spokesman for the dead and unionizer of the spirit world” The spirit suddenly whipped his head around to Matthew and the flames died down, he settled his feet on the floor and said in a very melancholy voice “Oh thank God you are here, we have been working non-stop day in and day out since this pandemic started.”
We witnessed as Matthew and the spirit went over all the legal documents he brought and when we were able to ask a few questions of our own. We asked the spirit “So how do you feel this pandemic has affected the spirit realm?”
“Oh man, it has been a non-living hell for us, honestly. We typically only have to do two or three hauntings a month to keep our quotas up. People are so busy these days with their 12-hour workdays and all the little league games. But with everything being shut down we are having to haunt at least 10 times a week now! 10 times a week without any of that time getting added to our overall haunt numbers. I think we should be getting double-haunts, honestly, but hopefully, that’s where Matty boy comes in.”
Matthew Montague, a voice for the screeching, a body for the empty, and a saint to the spirits. We walked out of the house to a clear sky with the sun shining down on us. The spirit shouted through the broken front window at us “Thanks again for coming guys. Sorry about the people we took when you first showed up, we would give them back, but you know, works work.” We all had a good laugh about that.
We tend to think of ourselves in these situations, how the pandemic has hurt us. But what about those around us that are going through so much more?
I know before I complain next time, I will think of the spirits around me working overtime without a single cup of coffee.
Jake Ruble is a comedian and freelance writer who offers ghostwriting, copywriting and blogging services. He has been published in multiple formats and is currently available for hire. For information on how to hire Jake please contact him at JakeRuble.com